My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. She is 10 years younger than I am. When we were first married we had great sex and told me she would try anything sexual. 10 years into the marriage menopause came into the picture. Sex then became almost nonexistent. I became very frustrated and angry. I neglected her because she seem she didn’t want to do anything with me. We moved to a smaller town a few years ago and she wanted to meet other women to get together with. When she was out one time a guy showed some interest in her and she in him. This went on for about about 5 months without me knowing about it until a neighbor saw them together and told me about it. I confronted her with it and she finally confessed to it. I asked what happened and she said that the guy had a foot fetish and would massage her feet and suck on her toes and she liked it. I asked her is this all that happened and she said yes. I told her that she had to stop seeing this guy and not to be in any contact with him anymore. She actually called him up and I talked to him and told him that I don’t want him to have any contact with her and she blocked his number so he couldn’t call her anymore. I forgave her for what she did. I have access to her texts and messenger which she doesn’t know about. I found out on her text messages that he wanted her to leave me and she was starting to have feelings for him. I started to appreciate her more and she started to show more interest in me sexually. We really started to show more love for each other. I told her that I didn’t want anymore drama and she agreed. I found out what his number was and she was still calling him and was writing to him on messenger. I would see these messages before she would delete them and take pictures of them and save them to my hidden pictures. She talked to her therapist about this guy and she told her that I was trying to control who her friends were. I told her her again that I don’t want her to contact this guy at all. She told me again that she wouldn’t. I have become more of a real husband to her and she has become more of a real wife to me. She has called him up but she has stop calling him since October 1st. He still messages her on Messenger and she messages him back everyday. He asked her yesterday So you and the Hubby are good again. Why do you still text me after he said not. She said Because you’re my friend, enjoy music and making sure your ok. He said You’re my friend also. She said So it’s ok. I’m chatting with you but not doing anything else. He has realized through all of this he was neglecting me. Life now is much better than it was and I am grateful. I know this guy’s full name, where he lives, his phone number and where he hangs out. I guess I am asking what should I do? Confront him and don’t contact her ever again or confront her and tell her again not to contact her again for the third time or let it as is and keep a eye on her and let her still answer his messages. I think that she wants to keep him as a friend. He contacts her everyday and she responds everyday. By the way I have lost 25 pounds since this has happened! Would you let her have this guy as a friend?

 

Do you really down deep believe that nothing happened sex wise. Other than feet. If you truly believe this and it was just a feet thing then I don't really see anything wrong with some sexting except for the fact that she is still sneaking behind your back

 

Seems like you’re trying to control her to me. You don’t own her. Cut her loose.

 

If you want to be the other man's bitch, go ahead, TELL your woman it ends NOW with him!!! If you even think you're thinking of him, tell her to pack your shit and move in with him NOW!!! She may not be worth the trouble If he texts her again, find him in private, splash hm with gasoline (a wide mouth gar, then say " the next time there will be fire.
He may be bigger, but reality is a motherfucker when it comes out of nowhere. In other words, shove your hand down your pants and feel if you have any BALLS. If you let that man take your woman or let your woman dis you, you're not a MAN. PM me if you want.

 

She will do what she wants. If you can't trust her walk away. But i must say, you brought some of this on yourself.

 

Say bye

 

In her mind she already left you. So I would let her go. She's always going to go behind your back and meet this guy or text this guy. You already have evidence that she's too timing you anyway so I let her go.

 

Your problem isn't with him, it's with her.
If he disappeared today, she'd find someone else to talk to.
You can accept it and move on or leave her and move on.
A third option would be to invite him over and both of you attend to her needs.

 

Never mind. Pretty sure y’all would both respond that way.

 

Hello beautiful

 

Not much would love to chat

 

Since she is hiding the fact that she is messaging him every day, I feel that's a problem. If it was innocent, there would be no need for the dishonesty.
I would confront her with the fact that you know she hasn't been honest with you and seek marriage counseling. If she doesn't think your concerns are important enough to fix this, then you have to decide if you're willing to put up with it, or if you would be better off ending the marriage.

 

My short answer would be, invite him over for a threesome.

Now, I’ll expand on my answer a bit. First, you two need to have a very frank, open and understanding conversation. You need to work on your jealousy. It’s causing you to be controlling and that’s not sexy. You don’t own her and frankly if she wants to continue cheating, there’s nothing you can do about it. She’s obviously getting something out of her relationship with him that you’re not giving her. Your job is to figure out what the hell that is. I think that would be the perfect leading question in the conversation you two need to have.

I don’t think menopause is to blame in the deterioration of your sexual relationship. I think it’s boredom. Are you predictable in bed? Are you ever spontaneous? She totally had sex with this guy. Guys don’t meet women by complimenting on how sexy their feet are. That’s something that comes up much later. If he’s already enjoyed her feet, it was either a lead-up or during sex.

Second, and more importantly, she needs to regain your trust. Nothing kills a relationship faster than jealousy and mistrust. In fact, jealousy is a symptom of mistrust and lack of confidence in the relationship.

You both need to air out your dirty laundry but it needs to be done by being open, honest and understanding. You both need to understand where each other are coming from.

My suggestion, have a long open and understanding conversation. Over the course of days, weeks or even months if necessary. Stop snooping on her. And she needs to stop lying to you as well. Once everything is on the table, she will have no reason to lie to you and you won’t have the need to spy on her. Once you’ve cleared the air, invite him over and you two guys give her the time of her life. It truly will bring you two closer together than you two ever though possible. But it will only work with you two being completely on the same page. And trust me, it will put a fire in your sex life, bigger than you’ve ever experienced together.

 

Somehow that reminded me of a question I had for the OP.

Does you wife know you’ve been on a porn forum for more than 5 years? If not, why?

 

It is not complicated.
You either continue to play the fool, or you don't.
The fact she still is in contact with him tells you everything you need to know.
It is extremely unfortunate. But you have to look at the world as it is, and not how you wish it was.
There is someone out there that would appreciate you, or at least return what appreciation you show her.
She is out there, and she would love to know you.
Find her.

 

U could be like me and your wife leave u completely for your best friend when all u been doing is busting your ass working doubles in a fine dining restaurant

 

Since you know where he hangs out, go introduce yourself. Mines done the same, I told her to go if she wants but I not gonna beg you to stay. Im a menopause survivor as well. I know exactly how you feel only no manner of trying worked for me. So I became the sorry fucking cheating husband. But very very discreet. I no longer care if she fucks around cause I am as well

 

Cut that hoe loose. She either with you or against you. Lying and going behind your back means she against you.