I am currently in a relationship with a lovely, smart, pretty, funny, and all around unique person, and I truly do love her.

Here is the BUT our sex life sucks. It's so random and barely happens. It's like pulling teeth to even get a little something outta her. She's not into oral, always complains cause I have to much stamina that hand jobs are just a pain in more ways then one. And sex well when it does happen its infrequent, lacking any passion and she's always hurrying me says come on finish, and like so many others I have trouble performing under pressure, and my stamina makes this a double pain.

Now I know she's gone through major trauma in the sexual department, plus cause of her chronic depression and MS I never push......I keep on cause I love her with all my heart I fell in love with her not her body.

Back story aside I am at a loss it's getting boring just jacking off, i feel un wanted and un sexy, and I don't have the ability to cheat on her that would destroy my soul.... what can I do?
I've had many conversations with her about it and it always seems to end the same way she says I'm too horny and need to just chill. Kinda hard to chill when you're blue balled for God knows how many months.....

any advice or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

 

Im in the same boat my friend

 

Only thing you can do is talk about it with her. If you do, you have to be VERY careful because she might take it the wrong way. You don't want to make her feel guilty, just let her understand how you feel. Her feelings are important but so are yours.

I do have an higher than average sex drive and my partner unfortunately does not. When we have sex it really is great, the problem is, we don't do it as frequently as I would like.
I have had several discussions with him about this and we have made some progress. I can't force him to have sex and if he does not feel like it, I cannot expect him to fake it, but there are ways to at least "mitigate" the situation. Maybe you could also consider sex/couple therapy or something like that?

 

Have you ever tried being intimate without the drive to get yourself to the finish line? Do you ever cuddle without intentions for sex to follow? How much attention do you give her needs, without the pressure for her to reciprocate? Do you make sure she orgasms every time you have sex, before your big finish?

 

Have you found any good midagations?
I have asked her about therapy and she's not opposed to the idea but if she'll really do it thats the question....but it's worth a try..... I'm glad I'm not the only one facing this issue

 

Buy her a cake
Chicks dig cake

 

Take a ride and make her worry I know it not want you want to hear but rub her ass and play with her hair tell she sleep and leave it will hurt but you need to show her you want her not need her

 

I've tried a little but it's kinda like I lose it from there to sex idk ADHD Brain lol.... and I love to just cuddle her when she'll let me but even that she's like nope..... no wanting of sex just intimacy....and according to her she can't Orgasam through sex and I always try to do other things but she won't let me..... sigh idk I've tried to say can I help you orgasam when she wants to masterbate but she always says no...

 

Well... it's a mitigation so it's not "good" but it's better than nothing.
At least he is aware of how I feel, how I am and what I would like. Sometimes he does masturbate me or do oral sex to me even though he's not in the mood to have the favour returned. It's not the same but I do appreciate it

For the sex/couple therapy, ideally you should do it together. Also, if she had a pretty big trauma in the past, she should probably consider some therapy for herself as well if she has not done it already. Unfortunately convince people to do this kind of things is not easy at all.

 

Sounds like she doesn't feel like they're is intimacy without sex at the end from your response. Jerk off, then offer a cuddle, without the expectation of sex at the end. If you can't give intimacy without your libido getting in the way of her needs, find another partner. It's not fair to her for you to expect sex when you say she's has sexual trauma and is depressed. Don't cheat (I read your post in personals looking for pussy). Be a man and let her go if you can't imagine not getting sex on the regular with her. She needs therapy, if she's not interested in fixing her brain don't stay on.

 

Honestly..... if u have any other issues, those can get in the way of sex. Ita hard to get horny for someone that pissed u off all day or week. And lots of folks have a hard time communicating that they are irritated.

 

If she is pissed off, get a big cake.
And tacos!

 

I wish I could provide better advice or ideas but my solution to the same or similar situation as yours is porn and masturbation.
When we're together, I do always get her off, every time, and I love that. After she's done, she's in a basic 'hurry up finish' mode to get on with the day. So, I jack off fairly quickly to finish myself. She does watch and help and I like that.
Our sessions used to be measured in hours, now they're measured in minutes. We used to have several sessions a week, now it's one max.
I'm not writing this to complain but to just say this is my solution, outside of looking elsewhere (something on the side) which I do not want to do.

 

I don't have a solution because I haven't heard her side of this but PLEASE work it out before you get married or buy a house together.

 

Dang thats a rough one, ive dealt with a little of that myself shit sucks

 

Same here my friend, it’s been 12 years for me. It really is getting to me know. I try anything to get satisfied without resorting to cheating but it’s getting hard (no pun intended)

 

You listed past sexual trauma, major depression, and MS. Any one of these can interfere with your sex life. You should really get professional help before you both ruin a great thing.

 

Your partner has some serious and complex issues which seem to pretty much explain the sexual issues in your relationship. What you may need to do is to work with what you have and understand things from her perspective.

She isn't averse to giving you a hand job but if it takes you a decade to cum then think about her and how her medical condition impacts on this.

You could try watching some porn together, let her masturbate you for a bit then you take over yourself, let her watch you pleasuring yourself, cuddled up together and then closer to the finish, guide her hand to your cock and let her take you over the edge.

If you are lasting longer than she has strength to continue for during intercourse then perhaps it isn't so strange that she is reluctant.

Talk to her, if she is feeling tired and sore by your inability to ejaculate then perhaps that explains her lack of enthusiasm.

Focus on her needs and put yours to one side for a bit.

Give her an explosive orgasm on her terms with the help of a vibe might help reconnect with her sexual mojo, show her how amazing it can feel, a walk on the park rather than a mountain she has to climb

Talk to the doctor, any medication she is taking might be effecting her libido but you mention 'sexual trauma' and 'depression' and so long as those two arent addressed then there may not be a work around and you will have to content yourself with self pleasure or consider moving on

You may need to consider couples counselling and or help for her in dealing with the depression and dealing with whatever might have happened to her in the past

 

If she is having mental health struggles, I hope she's seeing a counsellor or therapist. I know for me untreated mental health issues were a massive problem in the past, and caused a lot of strain sexually between me and my partner on top of all the other problems it was causing me. And if she is being treated, know that many antidepressants can impair your sex drive, temporarily or otherwise.

 

@Croc it really is up to you in terms of what you want to do.
Bluntly put your needs exceed what she has any interest in doing for you.
Making sex better for her might help. But then again not if it feels like a chore for her if she does not enjoy it herself.
Hypothetically if there were some way if it sex could me more enjoyable for her.
There are some that are A sexual or just do not need or have any or much sexual desire.
If thats the case then nothing is going to change that.
So its quite possible that you have issues that may be related to relationship or simply sexual incompatability. A mismatch of libido.
If shes smart you can talk about it if she is considerate or sympathetic towards you.
Otherwise to her it may not be a problem for her or that is hers.
So how you deal with this is whatever is best satisfactory to you.
But from someone who has been there, it is tormentuous, sometimses depressing and just an awful un neccesary thing to have to go through.
Somtimes its just best to come to an aimacable understanding and part in that manner.